Monday Blues ~ 04-01-10

Been crying so much my eyes hurt... Was off yesterday & went drinking with Shirley....My off days used to be reserved for him but recently he seems to have an agenda so full and important, I'm always excluded... Week after week, day after day I keep getting more and more hurt and disappointment from him. I keep thinking that I have grown immune, but yesterday when he didn't even bother to call or sms me, I couldn't stop my tears from falling. Honestly, I really don't know why the change in him is so great.. I told myself I had to stop deluding myself and the only way to prevent continuously getting hurt was to break up right?I texted him telling him that we should go our seperate ways. And he replied telling me OKAY!!!!!!!??????? My heart broke, really, it's like he didn't care, as if he was just waiting for me to say this a long time..

Tears kept pouring out of my eyes... But at least I told myself I will only be sad for awhile and then I'll be fine...Why did he have to bother messaging me this morning? I really don't get him, why would some one wanna hold on when he obviously doesn't care anymore? Although he said sorry, if he really meant it, why doesn't he show it? Though he did ask me to meet up for lunch but he should know that I really am pissed this time, why would I agree to meet right? All day he only used messages, he hasn't called me once........Why am I even bothering myself over him when it's so obvious he's just not into me anymore??

Sigh...Was supposed to go too Malaysia with Silver but I woke up late...Now all I can do is stay home and continue wallowing in self pity... I hate myself honestly...I feel really stupid for ever believing in him....Why?????