Goodbye Lil' Ms Selfish

Finally I've woken up.... Eyes Wide Open, seeing things through eyes other than my own. Always thought I'm a nice person...But finally I know I never was... I finally know the meaning of Empathy.....Though I feel used & stupid, there's always the other person who probably feels even worse than I do...I can choose to be selfish again, but no I will not...I will live my life the way I really should, though loneliness is my worst enemy, I know I'll get over it...I seriously feel sad, but it's the feeling of knowing what a horrible & selfish person I was that makes me really hate myself....
Yes, I do hate him & his lies, but then there's some1 who didn't lie to me & yet I was so selfish I only thought of me....But from this very moment, I'll never do that again....Goodbye to the love triangles I've selfishly entangled myself in...

I'm Alone Now - Beyonce

This song describes how I feel so accurately!!! So just thought I'll put the lyrics here....


It really hurts to say this yes it does
But after a while sweet love just ain't enough
So many settle for less just because
Maybe I'm more in love with what it was
But what gets so confusing baby
You and me
It's been so much confusion lately
You couldn't see that you were losing me

Well I'm alone now but I ain't lonely
I'm on my own now
But I ain't the only
Honestly I'm fine
I'll take this time to concentrate on me
And I've got possibility to keep me company

Won't you just assume he doesn't care
To internalize it all just isn't fair
So I address the problem so that he's aware
But I still feel all alone even when he's there
Maybe we can fix it baby
I know we can
If I make you miss it baby
Then maybe you will understand

That I'm alone now but I ain't lonely
I'm on my own now
But I ain't the only
Honestly I'm fine
I'll take this time to concentrate on me
And I've got possibility to keep me company

Just Another Day...

Another Saturday has passed... Oops, it's Sunday morning now!! Juz finished my bath...Hate the pimples popping on my cheeks!!!!!!!!!!! (am doing a facial mask now hee..) Today CR's business was pretty okay, am really happy a customer told me many people are coming not only for the band but for the local dancers =) Yippee!!!!! My flowers are coming back...Yay!!!!!! Though was late for work again as usual....Sigh,my penalty's really getting too much....Better really manage my time properly.....Am really happy today, though was pretty pissed yesterday...
That asshole's mum-in-law called me to tell me to leave him alone....But we have already not been contacting each other for the past few weeks, though coincidentally he msged me the day before "just to ask how am I?" As if!! Feel used, cause have a feeling he's out with other girls and had purposely used me as an excuse!! HELLO??!!! Or else why would he have msged me out of the blue right? Was so so angry..... I msged him to ask him back for my mobile broadband, though yep I do not need it...But I seriously do not wish to have anything to do with such an asshole!! And told him that after he returns it to me, please please NEVER ever contact me again!! And honestly, I really really mean it this time...Don't know why I even bothered bout him really, all those tears shed....What a waste of my time and tears!!!
Am so glad this time I really have decided to let go and acknowledge him as the PAST!! I go girl!!!!!

Aargh!!!

Bored.....Didn't have a good sleep yesterday, think I've probably been sleeping too much the past few days =p That irritant smsed me again last night, idiot!!! Really, can't he just leave me alone? Made me feel so unhappy all over again.... Seriously, the next time he calls or msges me I'll never never reply....Know he's purposely doing this to me & I hate it... It's like being manipulated by him & I can't stand myself being so weak!! I will NOT be manipulated by anyone especially him!! PISSED!!!!!!

Pix Taken At Atlantis

Sigh......

Was off yesterday, 1st went to PS Cafe as Sandy wanted to have her birthday dinner there.....Am so happy I could get to catch up with her...Really missed her so so so much....Joyce & Zhenxin was there too....After dinner we headed to Atlantis....Been a long long time since I had so much fun clubbing with frenz....Hope Sandy enjoyed her bday, am really happy I could meet up with all my gals after so long.... After a few drinks started to think of him once again...Sigh...
After Atlantis, the gals wanted to go home but I didn't feel like heading home so went to CR to look for Nigel & gang after which headed to SH to continue drinking.... Nigel got drunk so accompanied him together with Bing to Teck Whye....Left at 8 plus in the morning!! OMG!!!! Worst of all I couldn't get a cab, had to on call plus the surcharge & all... The cab fare was like $23...So ex!!!!
Reached home, but couldn't sleep, so decided to clean my room, change my sheets....Finally I felt tired & wanted to go to bed...Saw my sis-in-law crying & found out that Amber had jaundice & she had no $ to let Amber stay in hospital. Lent her $500 to rent the treatment bed for Amber. Sigh...I really thought I could clear my debts & finally start saving some money for my manicure course..Really pissed with my bro....Can't blame my sis in law cos I know her situation. but my bro!!! Aargh....Why do I feel like I'm always the one to have to clean up his mess for him...Really hate it....He's 27 this year & yet he doesn't seem to know what responsibility means.....Really....Am so disappointed, had really wanted to save my money...I'm no longer youbg either, I do need to plan for my future too. Every time I tell myself I really am gonna save, something happens...Worse, I'm always being implicated into a mess which isn't mine...Really I pity GY & the kids...When will he ever grow up????????

To You...

Yesterday a fren shared with me many of her secrets...I could feel the pain inside her and I really feel sad... She's one of the nicest girls I know & yet she always seems to have endless problems...I used to think that I have a lousy childhood & have endless problems...But after hearing her tell me everything about herself, I realise my life isn't half as bad as I think it is. I really do hope life will get better for her...

**Dearie, if you are reading this, I just wanna say, there's a;ways sunshine after the rain k? Don't dwell on the past, look forward...I'll be your listening ear whenever you need me....**

Sick..

Sigh....Sick the entire week....didn't want to go to work yesterday, luckily Candy forced me to go....But I reached at 11.30pm. OMG!!! But am so glad I went...Lately, I have been trying to busy myself with stuff to do....Went to Yoga with Candy, the stretching was super tedious, but I had great fun, and with all the activities I have, I can finally not think of him...
Though he did sms me at times telling me he missed me, I replied him the way a normal friend would have. I rejected his invitations to lunch 2....But at this current moment, I miss him...I really do...Should I call him?

Monday Blues ~ 04-01-10

Been crying so much my eyes hurt... Was off yesterday & went drinking with Shirley....My off days used to be reserved for him but recently he seems to have an agenda so full and important, I'm always excluded... Week after week, day after day I keep getting more and more hurt and disappointment from him. I keep thinking that I have grown immune, but yesterday when he didn't even bother to call or sms me, I couldn't stop my tears from falling. Honestly, I really don't know why the change in him is so great.. I told myself I had to stop deluding myself and the only way to prevent continuously getting hurt was to break up right?I texted him telling him that we should go our seperate ways. And he replied telling me OKAY!!!!!!!??????? My heart broke, really, it's like he didn't care, as if he was just waiting for me to say this a long time..

Tears kept pouring out of my eyes... But at least I told myself I will only be sad for awhile and then I'll be fine...Why did he have to bother messaging me this morning? I really don't get him, why would some one wanna hold on when he obviously doesn't care anymore? Although he said sorry, if he really meant it, why doesn't he show it? Though he did ask me to meet up for lunch but he should know that I really am pissed this time, why would I agree to meet right? All day he only used messages, he hasn't called me once........Why am I even bothering myself over him when it's so obvious he's just not into me anymore??

Sigh...Was supposed to go too Malaysia with Silver but I woke up late...Now all I can do is stay home and continue wallowing in self pity... I hate myself honestly...I feel really stupid for ever believing in him....Why?????